Neetu Didi..an epitome of love !!

 

 

It was way back in 1975….we shifted to Chandigarh imagefor a year as my father was posted to a field area where families were not allowed. We shifted into a rented house..new neighbours …new school…new friends…new teachers..the usual anxieties of a 12 year old fauji kid who has to adjust every now and then.

It was one of those evenings and I was playing outside with a ball on my own when suddenly I saw a beautiful face with a warm smile pop up across the wall! Here, was a beautiful young lady with long, flowing tresses saying “hello” to me and I shyly replied back. Her warmth made me comfortable and we chatted like long lost friends for about half an hour. And then began a long association and I would spend endless hours with her, sitting, doing my homework, watching her paint or listening to her playing sitar! We became inseparable – Me a 12 yr old and she was doing her post graduation!

imageNeetu didi possessed a warm sense of humour, a gift for music, compassion unlimited, and love for all things beautiful and a great Indian charm. Throughout her life, she modeled love and compassion. Forever laughing with joy even though she had untimely lost her father and I, till today admire her mother (we fondly call her Biji ) who brought up three amazing kids against all odds.

As a kid I learnt the lessons of life from Didi …the greatest one was to love unconditionally and to always smile(I sincerely try and imbibe it in my life till today). Once she took me to her college on her bicycle and on the way back some road side Romeo started following us and I was so scared being a kid and till date I remember the cool confident look on her face and I  admired the confidence with which she handled the situation. And here was a lesson again face the world bravely !

imageTime passed by and she married an equally nice guy and I would admire them as they  walked hand- in – hand and wondered if all couples were like this …so adorable! My faith in the loving relationships began here.  

She was a woman with a great aura around her. She was a woman whom everyone would want in their life as a sister, as a mother, and as a friend. Her eyes sparkled like a bright star in the sky. She had the stamina, beauty and courage one could admire easily, a woman one could count on. Her beauty shined from inside out, her smile beautiful like the sun rising over the horizon and her intelligence, wisdom was par excellence. She was a genuinely caring woman who would go an extra mile to help one in need.

Wondering why I am talking about her in past tense? Yes this great lady left us before we could even realize..leaving behind an ocean of love ….she was indeed a woman of compassion and love. A few days ago her husband posted her pictures on FB which overwhelmed me, memories came flooding back-the face that was always admired right there in my moistened eyes-memories of my chilhood uplifting and here I am making an humble attempt to write about her.                                                                                           .

The world knew her as Anita Wahi, the actress who worked in few bollywood movies and Television but of course theatre was close to her heart!

Rest in peace Neetu didi …we miss you and always feel your presence around. You are my role model….I am what I am because of you! Each day I have tried to life the life the way you taught me..with love & compassion. Hope I make you proud each day didi.                                                   

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The Thought Loops…..

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A man in a maze

Sometimes there is a story teller within us who keeps repeating the same old story. It seems like an old vinyl record that gets stuck and repeats the same thoughts over and over and over again and we are in constant fear of something that we don’t want in our lives.

We all go through this at some time or the other. We lie awake night after night thinking of losing our someone special, or worrying about our children, our health or the finances or about our future. Instead of blocking these thoughts we keep bringing our focus on these thoughts and they engulf our peace & wellness.

The most troubling aspect of thought loops is the non-recognition of the happenings… our entry into the loop. The challenge being that these loops are embellished with strong emotions.

Do the emotions trigger the loops, or the loops trigger the emotions?

Are there any specific techniques to halt this endless repetitive cycle.

Halt. Think. Reflect.

Let go of fear today. Stop these thoughts.

Recognize the story that you’re telling yourself about each scenario. Your stories are limiting beliefs that you create, repeat and live out day after day.

Stories like…

“I can’t do that.”

“It will never work out.”

“The cards are stacked against me.”

“There’s not enough time.”

“I’m too young.”

“I’m too old.”

“I’m not smart enough.”

“It’s too late.”

“There’s nothing for me.”

“Nobody loves me.”

These fear-based beliefs are false. They cause you to suffer.

Take a choice.

It’s an empowering choice that will set you free.

Learn to recognize the storyteller in your head.  Are you willing? Willing to change the storyteller or do you want to be addicted to the old stories and the same drama of self-destruction?

When you change your story, you change your life. The beauty of your story is that you are the author. Give yourself permission to rewrite it.

Be the leader of your life !

Tell yourself the story that inspires you!

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The Sky Is The Limit!

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We are all spiritual beings looking for greater expression and fulfilment. What stops us is our own worst enemy..the mind. It’s an every day effort to be in the present moment, to take control of the flood of thoughts and images in our mind, our powerful feelings and progressive action.

We keep getting flashbacks of regret… “If I had only done this a year ago!”,”Why didn’t I do something about it?” We never seem to let go of the past.
We keep getting these glimpses of promise within us..”Tomorrow I’m going to get my life organised…I will definitely start my goal..”
Right now, is the wasted moment (The overlooked gift) as we’re living in all the times…past and future but “NOW.”

Let go of the past,capitalize on the present and create a beautiful future for yourself. Practice it till it becomes a habit ! The vastness of the sky is what will unfold for us !

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The Toughest Times…. Do they make you stronger?

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Strengthen your mindset like the roots of an old tree as it will determine your level of success. A positive mindset can empower you to abolish any kind of hurdles before they become too gigantic.

It’s really hard to believe in yourself when everything around you seems to be crumbling into pieces, but keeping the faith is the only way to trudge through the hard times and see yourself triumphing towards better days.

Feeling the pressure of tough times? Try these out…..

1. Sit and reflect on what happened. Did you succeeded in the most unpleasant scenarios, the insurmountable situations in the past? If not completely you did succeed partially. Didn’t you? Clearly, your ability to overcome these situations speaks loudly for your strength and abilities.
Thinking about them help in both ways as you might be able to emulate your past solutions by adapting them to fit your current situation. Other times, you’ll be able to learn what not to do from past trials and tribulations.

2. Respond & Act immediately. Address a situation before it becomes too intimidating. Retreating into your personal cocoon is not going to help.
– Don’t let urgency corner you. Create a proactive plan NOW. Its great to have a just-in-case plan in advance.
– It’s you, who is in charge of managing your life and ensuring its success. Take pride in this power. Put the right foot forward. Your life is what you make of it as you are the leader of your life.

3. Believe in yourself. Believe that you WILL make it through. Remember that you have found your way out of a tough situation before. You’ll do it now too. There is always a way to float – always.

-Remember you have a grand list of supporters…your family, friends who are cheering you on every day basis. They are proud of you & have faith in your abilities because you’ve proven your strength time and time again.

All that is required is a confirmation to yourself that you’re as strong and as tenacious as you suspect yourself to be.

Let your mindset be positive to help you ride over the rough tide!!

And do not forget you attract the energy you exude!

Let your mindset be positive to help you ride over the rough tide!!
And do not forget you attract the energy you exude!

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New year thoughts continued….

2015 has set in…I love the new year! It always fills me with a feeling of new possibilities. It’s a fresh start and time to try something new…with the New Year coming in, new aspirations , new hopes set in. I am unstoppable in sharing all the thoughts coming up in my mind.

One thing that people surely think at this time of the year is about their career. Are you thinking too! Lets just ponder over some career thoughts!

Typically we all generally fall into one of three camps: happy, may be okay for now or definitely not happy. Regardless of where you fall on the spectrum, there are things you can do to move your career in the right direction.
Lets take them up one by one.

Happy with your current position? Great! That’s good news. Do you know that you are unique as you fall into the minority count? According to a recent Right Management poll, just 5 percent of workers polled said they intend to remain in their current position. So celebrate and make the most of your unique situation! Evolve more, seek newer opportunities, contribute to the success of your employer or your company.

Your job is okay…for now? Now, in the beginning of the year its a great time to start putting out feelers and look for greater directions and making connections that could lead to a new opportunity. Main factors that make people seek newer pastures are- one, confidence in their ability to find a better option and two, the frustration with the status quo. And what better time to look for a job than when you already have one at hand. Reach out to recruiters, advisors or coaches.

A coach can proactively help you take more control of your career. Coaches can help you think and decide for yourself, help you visualise about what that new position would look like, and what you would need to seriously consider making a move.
Coaching can help you assess your current skills, experience and requirements, help you make a clear, realistic career action plan.

If you fall into the third camp of definitely not happy where you are, or may be you do not have a job currently? Now is a great time to renew the vigor of your job search. Do up your skills of research and reaching out. Making sure your resume and portfolio of work are current and professionally presented as it does help to make that first impression. Stay aware and be on top of news of growth or changes within companies you’re interested in so that you are one of the first to know of new opportunities. Commit to frequently attending industry events or meetings to be aware . To move to the next level to wherever you are in your career take note of three things :

Be a learner all your life. Acquire new skills. You got to be responsible for your own growth. Stay up-to-date. Seek out to take classes thus upgrading your skills.

Stay connected with inspiration. To be interesting, be interested. Read, research, listen. Keep your antennas on as there is content, information and data everywhere.

Always be on the look out for meeting interesting people. Next time you get to attend an event, make it a point to meet someone you don’t know rather than sticking to the old acquaintances. Interesting conversations happen with people who are different from you.

Good Luck for a Superb career graph this year !

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The year that has gone by…..

photo-11-2Looking back , reminiscing.. you all would agree that we’ve all had our ups and downs this past year. Our own big or small trials and triumphs. But on the whole don’t you think this has been a very good year for spiritual progression. More people are seeking out and finding that knowledge than ever before.

Looking back , reminiscing.. you all would agree that we’ve all had our ups and downs this past year. Our own big or small trials and triumphs. But on the whole don’t you think this has been a very good year for spiritual progression. More people are seeking out and finding that knowledge than ever before.

Now just to bring this back down to you and me. Pondering over my own year I asked myself a few questions that I would like to pose to you all. Maybe you’ll get as much from this exercise as I did.

The first few things I asked myself is admittedly very straight and simple. I wrote down the following in my diary:
“What has been your biggest reflection of 2014?
Have there been any particular themes or lessons that you experienced?
Are there any significant wins or any trials you underwent that stand out to you?”
I then proceeded to list them in columns. A column for wins, and a column for lessons.

I realised that whatever the case may be and whatever distance you have traveled on your journey, you and you alone can decide when to heal, when to be strong, and when to learn more so you can improve upon wherever you are at any given point of time. Only you can make a better, more upgraded you. Its your journey and you alone have to walk it.

Who else is going to be with you at every moment of your life, at every breath that you take? Who else is guaranteed going to be there at every turn, at every crossroad? Clearly nobody but you,yourself. You are your own navigator of your life.

What I am going to suggest next may throw you for a bit of a loop, it may sound cheesy at first but it’s effective, it works for me , it might work for you too. Here is what you need to do, give yourself a big giant bear hug! Hug it out with yourself. Feel that loving embrace from your soul mirroring back to you and notice how it rejuvenates your spirit, filling each cell with healing vital force energy.

Go ahead, nobody is watching… Embrace Your Self! Give yourself a pat that you made it through another round of seasons. The new year isn’t the finish line, it’s just a check point. So if you were feeling any complacency take this moment to remind yourself to keep going.

If you feel low, do a check and reflect on whatever bug has gotten you. Push out what no longer serves you. Sometimes what looks like a negative is really a positive, and sometimes what looks like a positive is really not. Do not live in regrets.

I am reminded of the poem “Desiderata”, and my favourite part is:
“Beyond a wholesome discipline,
be gentle with yourself.

And the last few lines:
“And whatever your labors and aspirations
in the noisy confusion of life, keep peace in your soul.
With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world. Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.

As I pen this down I realize that I too am talking to that one Being… who has seen it all in this particular journey of life…& thats me.

Cheers to a new beginning !

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Coaches and Leaders

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Research shows that organizations that effectively coach employees have higher levels of employee productivity, employee engagement, and financial performance. In fact all leaders  can be good coaches.

One comes across people wanting to reach the top! There are successful people, there are not so successful ones! It got me thinking. Are all bosses good leaders? What is leadership? What makes a good leader? Can leadership even be taught? Are leaders born or made? If leadership style is unique to a person, where does Coaching fit in? How can coaches help bring more leaders into the world?

Let’s start with looking at some best leadership qualities – and then think about how as coaches we can help to develop those.

The Best Leaders:

HAVE A GREAT VISION : they can’t help but share this vision with others. While thinking strategically, they operate in the present, letting go of the past.

How can a coach help: Help your client identify their life vision or career vision – and more importantly really connect with it. How will they convey that vision to others? Who needs to know? What kind of goals will they set and what actions will they take to get there? What needs doing now to move them closer to their vision?

ARE VERY COURAGEOUS. They innovate and dare to be different, challenge the status quo, make unpopular decisions, take calculated risks, might tread on the road not taken. They always stand up for others.

How can a coach help: Hear him out, be a sounding board that helps your clients fully explore the challenges they face. Be a mirror to reflect successes back to them. Support your client in taking calculated risks, making difficult decisions.

HAVE IMMENSE INTEGRITY. They are open and honest to the core, but also understand the political game – and play it ethically. They deal with problems – and the elephant in the room with ease. They are reliable and stick to their words. They understand accountability and take responsibility for results – the good and bad.

How can a coach help: Help them review and strategise how they handle their failures and successes. Hold your clients accountable and challenge any blame game. Ask them who needs to be on their side for them to succeed? What needs to change?

ARE AUTHENTIC: They have strong intuition or gut instincts – and follow them. They walk their talk. They know and show who they truly are. They have a leadership style – all of their own.

How can a coach help: Self-discovery! Help your client explore who they are, what matters to them. Help them explore their values? How are your client’s values different at work and in life? Are they congruent, in other words are they living their values? Are they listening to their inner voice?

ARE RESULT ORIENTED: They are determined self-starters, result-oriented, using their initiative and not waiting to be asked or told. They FIND a way. In short, they deliver.

How can a coach help: Support the client to create goals and action plans. Track and review them regularly, changing course as necessary. Hold them accountable. Help your clients manage their time more effectively, by prioritising. Brainstorm and ask questions like, “Where could you go above and beyond?”, “What haven’t you thought of yet?”, “What needs to happen for you to get the results you want?” and “If you were to look back having achieved your goal, how did you get there?”

ARE GOOD LISTENERS  . They know when to speak and when to listen, when to take action, when to lead and when to follow, when to hold on and when to let go. Keeping the bigger picture in mind they choose their battles wisely. They have great judgement.

How can a coach help: Ask questions that help your client consider various angles of a situation and think ahead. Help them make informed and reflective, not reactive, decisions. Ask them what they notice, what they heard, what is unseen but still present? Ask them to take the helicopter view. Role model level 3 listening for them.

KNOW IT IS ALWAYS A TEAM EFFORT. They understand it’s all about people and relationships and taking everyone along. They delegate, they appreciate and give credit where credit is due. They think win-win. They say “Thank-you” and “Sorry”. They are sociable & understand the value of social time. They do not suffer from “Mr Know-all Syndrome”

How can a coach help: Help them explore their strengths and weaknesses, help them identify what they love doing, and what they don’t – and delegate accordingly. Ask questions like, “What help do you need?”, “Who/what could you delegate?”, “Who needs to be appreciated and how?”, “What needs to be celebrated?” and “What needs to be done to make this situation right?” . Encourage them to network and manage upwards and sideways, as well as downwards. What can they do to team-build?

They COMMUNICATE: They don’t assume but check for understanding. They love clarity, keep everyone up-to-date and are transparent in their communications. They negotiate and handle conflicts pro-actively.

How can a coach help: Support your client in communication skills. Ask questions to clarify their understanding (so they practice being clear). Observe their language – limiting beliefs, assumptions, cognitive distortions & notice their perception. Support your client in identifying training needs in areas like conflict management, mediation, negotiation, meeting management, public speaking etc.

ARE PASSIONATE AND ENTHUSIASTIC. Their enthusiasm is infectious – and they usually have a good sense of humour.

How can a coach help: Help your clients figure out what really matters to them and why, help them create a mission statement (whether work or life) that ties up with their vision. Help them live their values. Help them see the funny side of life and situations (only with good rapport). Ask questions like, “How does this fit with your mission and vision?”, “What gets you fired up?”, “What would it take for you to get really excited about this?”CHelp your clients to celebrate their successes.

VALUE THEMSELVES. They don’t wait to reach certain goals before they esteem themselves, they accept they are imperfect and value themselves now, even as they learn and grow. They are open to feedback and suggestions . They are confident – and humble.

How you can help: Help your client face the hard truths – and grow from them. What do others think of them? Consider a 360 Feedback process. Help them understand what life balance and self-care means for them, create time for self-reflection. Challenge their inner critic.

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